


Local Gods

by MiniNephthys



Category: Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Shin Megami Tensei Series
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-25
Updated: 2012-05-25
Packaged: 2017-11-06 00:15:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/412613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiniNephthys/pseuds/MiniNephthys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Guide takes a look at the Amala area.  Happy Towel Day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Local Gods

While it is true that the Babelfish completely proves the nonexistence of God, there remain many godlike entities of extreme power that it is convenient to call gods.1 Many backwards planets with only one of these entities to their name will insist on addressing their personal god as God, and after that the god in question's ego swells enormously and you can never have a decent conversation with them again.

The Amala group of stars has one such god, known as YHVH by lesser gods and travelers. He notably shares the same name as a minor god around an insignificant planet called Earth, who of course perished when Earth was demolished to make way for an interstellar bypass.

YHVH is what is known as the 'spiteful smiteful' type of god: he is very annoyed at not being treated as the supreme being in the universe despite not actually being the supreme being in the universe, and he tends to take it out on everyone, especially lesser gods and travelers. The Guide recommends against traveling in the Amala area without some sort of protection from divine interference, such as a horseshoe, at least ten and a half four-leaf clovers, a virgin sacrifice, or another guy morally worse than you that you can send running far in the opposite direction as a distraction.

If you have taken the necessary precautions, the Amala area can be an entertaining place to visit. All manner of colorful demons can be found there, leading to memorable conversations with your kids about the passing Diana or Arioch.2 At least one threat of an apocalypse is likely to occur during your trip. If you're lucky, or as the unadventurous would say, 'get me out of here I'm going to die oh god oh god oh god', the world may actually end while you're there.

Through a curious accident of genetics there is only one blond, blue-eyed person native to the Amala area. All the rest are tourists, and you should immediately ask to see their towel. If they regard you with confusion, they are either not Guide readers and are completely un-with it, or the local devil incarnate3, and should be treated differently depending on which.

While traveling through the Amala area, you may find that certain people are constantly having interesting and dangerous things happen to them. Like with all such people, the Guide reminds you that, for your safety, you should never associate with these people and for goodness's sake never oppose them unless your goal is not a vacation, but rather an exciting suicide by protagonist.

In which case, go have fun.

###### Footnotes

1: Odin, Ra, Zeus, L. Ron Hubbard, and so forth.  
2: See: counseling, family.  
3: This assumes that the local devil has not read the Guide and prepared a towel for such an occasion. In case he is reading this right now: the Guide formally apologizes for any part it may have played in the incident involving a Mesian church, a talented member of a shapeshifting species, and a plate of strudel. Your check is in the mail.


End file.
